Life is hard. On January 3rd 2012, my wife passed away from a brain aneurism rupture. We had moved to the US just 6 months ago (we were originally from France). She was the healthiest person I have known, working out, eating healthy, never sick. That morning, she even went for a run in the neighborhood. And then, out of nowhere, she passed away. That evening, we were laying in our bed, had said good night to our kids, and were ready to fall asleep. From the time she started to feel some pain in her brain to the time she lost consciousness and passed due to the flooding of blood in her brain, probably around 5 minutes passed. The most horrible 5 minutes of my life. I couldn’t understand what was going on, I didn’t know what to do, she was screaming, she was in pain. Once the EMS arrived, it was already over. The Brain MRI performed later at the hospital confirmed our fear: she was already brain dead. My kids were then 4 and 6 years old. Our family was leaving in a different continent. It was hell on earth. The following weeks, months, years were excruciating.
It was 10 years ago. And I am still in pain over what happened, how unfair it was, how much of a trauma it was for our kids, for our family, for our friends and for myself. Since then, I have shared my story with many people, and many have then shared with me their own story. Different stories, different trauma but always the same key point: life can get so hard.
Life is painful! There is pain around us. There is hardship all around us. There is unfair treatment imposed to weak people. And just in general, life is hard!
I think our current society makes a lot of efforts trying to forget that. But that’s a lie ! Life is hard. We need to accept it and get ready for it. The progress in our society keeps accelerating making things easier and easier to do. I do believe that right now is an incredible time in history to live as there are so many possibilities. But one should not forget that no matter what, there will be pain and hardship. Pain is part of the process. You just need to choose your pain:
- Being overweight is hard. Being on a diet is hard. Which “hard” are you choosing?
- Being divorced is painful. Working on your marriage consistently is hard. Which one are you choosing?
- Waking up early to go to work where you don’t fully feel appreciated is hard. Being unemployed is hard. Which one are you choosing?
This is one reason why I love so much endurance sports. I love looking at the pain, at the hardship, trying to understand them, trying to feel comfortable with them, getting familiar with them, and making my mind stronger and stronger while facing them.
Through my practice of long distance races, and through my experience as an industry leader, I have learned several lessons :
–Lesson #1 : Life is hard. Get over it. Don’t expect to do easy things today. Get ready to do hard things. It should not come as a surprise for things not working as you expect. When they do, being disappointed, mad, upset is a waste of your energy, your time, your positive mindset.
à The key point of Lesson #1 : Life is hard. Prepare for it.
– Lesson #2 : You need to get ready for things to get hard. Train your mind to do hard things. One practice I have incorporated in my morning routine or post work- is to take a cold shower. If you google the benefits of getting a cold shower, you are going to find a pretty extensive list : stimulates the immune system, increase alertness, tightens the skin, stimulates antidepressant hormones, reduces body aches, reduces hair loss,… But the #1 benefit in my opinion is the mindset benefit. By taking a cold shower in the morning, I prove to myself that I am ready to do the hard things.
-> The key point of Lesson #2 : Don’t be afraid of doing hard things. Embrace them.
– Lesson #3 : one of my favorite quote from Tony Robbins is “Life is a choice between two pains : the pain of regret or the pain of discipline”. Either way, it is painful. Don’t lie to yourself thinking that by getting immediate pleasure of eating that big fat processed cheeseburger, you won’t have regrets later on. You will. You will pay the price at some point. The question is : do you want to pay the price now by being disciplined and saying no to it or pay the price later by having regrets (health issues, body you don’t like, lack of energy,….)? Discipline is choosing to delay the pleasure. Believe me, once you have chosen discipline, you will later on get the reward of it and enjoy it. If you don’t choose discipline, you will enjoy immediate pleasure but pay the price later. So what is it going to be ? Discipline or Regret ? Pleasure now and Hefty Price later or Hardship now and Pride & Pleasure later ?
-> The key point of Lesson #3 : Choose your hard : Discipline now or Regret later.
– Lesson #4 : There is a good news in all that : you can go in the hard things progressively. Going back to the cold shower example, start by taking a normal shower, just end it with a 5 seconds of cold. And then next day, do it for 10 seconds. And progressively, you increase the intensity of discipline. The ability of doing things progressively but consistently is the key reason why highly disciplined individuals are highly successful. People who try an extreme diet that they can’t sustain are more likely to end up increasing their weight. It is a process. It is a lifestyle. It is not a temporary activity. It is the new you.
-> The key point of Lesson #4 : Do hard things one step at a time but consistently. What matters is the message you are sending to your mind : you are a New You! You can do hard things! Again and again and again…
Your Successful Habits Coach,
Anthony
